Many people in therapy ask a version of the same question:
“Isn’t it selfish for me to practice self-care?”
For individuals who deeply care about their partners, families, or communities, prioritizing themselves can feel uncomfortable. Some people even feel guilty when they spend time taking care of their mental health, emotional health, or physical health.
But health is not just the absence of illness. It includes emotional well-being, social well-being, and overall health. In other words, caring for yourself is not selfish—it’s part of maintaining a healthy life.
In my counseling practice as a mental health professional, I often respond to this concern with four important perspectives that help people rethink what self-care really means.
1. What’s the Alternative?
If we don’t take responsibility for caring for ourselves as adults, who will?
When we were children, our parents or caregivers did their best to nurture us and protect our well-being. At some point, however, responsibility for our overall mental health gradually shifts to us.
Emotionally healthy people learn to take responsibility for their mental, emotional, and physical health. This includes maintaining good emotional health, developing coping skills, and learning healthy ways to reduce stress in everyday life.
Without these habits, people can begin experiencing poor emotional health, chronic stress, anxiety, burnout, or emotional exhaustion.
Maintaining good self-care helps promote health, improve energy, support relationships, and protect both body and mind in daily life.
Self-care is not selfish—it is simply taking care of your own health so you can function well in the world.
2. Self-Care Isn’t Self-Indulgence
Many people confuse self-care with self-indulgence, but they are very different.
Here’s a small confession: I enjoy Snickers bars. However, my cavity-prone teeth and expanding waistline can probably handle only one per week. If I ate several every day, that wouldn’t be self-care—it would be closer to slow self-destruction.
True self-care is not about chasing pleasure or avoiding challenging situations.
Instead, healthy self-care habits support overall health and include things like:
- Getting enough sleep
- Maintaining a healthy diet
- Engaging in regular physical activity or exercise
- Developing emotional regulation
- Learning to cope with negative emotions and negative feelings
- Creating a good balance between work, family, and personal time
Research from organizations like the National Institute of Mental Health and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration highlights that consistent self-care habits can significantly improve mental health, emotional wellness, and social connections.
Real self-care asks an important question:
“What combination of habits will do the most good and the least harm in my life?”
3. Caring for Yourself Helps You Care for Others
Many people want to be supportive partners, parents, and friends. Ironically, the best way to do this is often by caring for ourselves first.
When we take time to strengthen our emotional well being, we become better able to support a family member, a loved one, or a close friend who may be struggling.
Strong support networks and social connections are essential for mental health. Spending time with friends and family, staying connected with a support network, and seeking emotional support can significantly improve resilience.
Emotionally healthy people tend to:
- Maintain meaningful relationships
- Stay connected with friends
- Talk openly about their emotions
- Seek support when needed
- Practice gratitude and positive reflection
- Focus on healthy ways to manage stress
When we model healthy behavior—whether it’s spending time with loved ones, prioritizing sleep, or developing stronger coping skills—we influence others more than we realize.
The poet Edgar Guest expressed this idea beautifully:
“The eye’s a better pupil and more willing than the ear…
Fine counsel is confusing, but example’s always clear.”
People may misunderstand our advice, but they rarely misunderstand how we live.
When we practice self care, we demonstrate how to maintain emotional balance, self esteem, and healthy relationships.
4. The Real Struggle Is Often Emotional
For many people, the challenge of self-care is not intellectual—it’s emotional.
Most people understand the basics of health care, such as getting sleep, eating well, staying active, and caring for their mental health.
But sometimes an inner voice says something painful:
“You’re not worth taking care of.”
This kind of thinking can damage self esteem and lead to neglecting one’s emotional wellbeing.
Therapy can help people identify these patterns, process difficult experiences, and develop healthier ways to cope with life’s challenges.
Working with a mental health professional can help people:
- Improve emotional regulation
- Address negative emotions
- Strengthen relationships
- Build resilience in challenging situations
- Develop sustainable self care important habits
Over time, many people find that caring for themselves actually helps boost happiness, strengthen focus, and improve their ability to support others.
The Oxygen Mask Principle
Anyone who has flown on an airplane has heard this instruction:
“In the unlikely event of cabin depressurization, put your oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others.”
For many caring people, this feels counter-intuitive. We want to help our family, a loved one, or a friend first.
But the principle is simple: if you are exhausted, overwhelmed, or depleted, it becomes much harder to provide meaningful support to others.
Healthy self care helps people maintain the energy, mental clarity, and emotional strength needed to navigate the demands of everyday life.
What You Can Do
If you want to strengthen your self care habits, start small.
Within the next 24 hours, consider choosing one area of life to improve:
- Physical health (exercise, sleep, healthy diet)
- Mental health
- Emotional wellness
- Relationships
- Social well being
- Spiritual life
- Creativity
Even small changes—like spending time with a close friend, taking a walk for exercise, practicing gratitude, or simply getting better sleep—can have powerful effects on your overall health.
These habits help build resilience, strengthen emotional wellbeing, and make it easier to navigate life’s challenges.
Seeking Support for Emotional Well-Being
If you struggle with guilt around self-care, burnout, anxiety, or relationship stress, working with a therapist can be extremely helpful.
Professional counseling can help you develop stronger coping skills, improve emotional health, and learn healthy ways to navigate difficult experiences.
Dr. Jay Feld, a family therapist in New York, helps individuals, couples, and families strengthen mental health, improve relationships, and develop sustainable self care habits.
Reaching out for support can be an important step toward living a healthier, more balanced life.
