Generated by All in One SEO Pro v5.0.1.1, this is an llms.txt file, used by LLMs to index the site.

# Dr. Jay R. Feld

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

## Sitemaps

- [XML Sitemap](https://doctorjay.net/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website.

## Posts

- [How Do You Know If You’re a Grown-Up? Signs of Emotional and Mental Maturity](https://doctorjay.net/signs-of-emotional-and-mental-maturity/) - Starting around age 9 or 10, children begin wanting to be grown-ups. When they see their parents, they imagine adulthood as a life full of freedom and perks, such as: Staying up late Having money to buy anything they want Eating whatever they like Driving a car To a child, becoming an adult means you’ve
- [Isn’t Self-Care Selfish? 4 Answers from a Family Therapist](https://doctorjay.net/is-self-care-selfish/) - Many people in therapy ask a version of the same question: “Isn’t it selfish for me to practice self-care?” For individuals who deeply care about their partners, families, or communities, prioritizing themselves can feel uncomfortable. Some people even feel guilty when they spend time taking care of their mental health, emotional health, or physical health.
- [What Is Attachment? Why Feeling Seen and Safe Matters in Relationships](https://doctorjay.net/attachment-why-seen-and-safe-matters/) - Introduction: Our Deep Human Need for Connection From infancy through adulthood, one emotional need remains constant: the need to feel safe, seen, and supported by the people who matter most to us. In family therapy and relationship counseling, this core concept is known as attachment. Understanding attachment theory can transform how we view parenting, marriage,
- [Can We Make Sense of Dating and Mating? A Family Therapist’s Perspective in New York City](https://doctorjay.net/dating-and-mating-perspective/) - Modern dating can feel overwhelming. With endless options through apps, social media, and online profiles, most people today struggle to understand relationships, expectations, and other people’s intentions. Everyone wants a healthy relationship built on mutual respect, good communication, and emotional safety — yet unrealistic expectations, red flags, and past experiences often interfere with finding true
- [Get Ready, Get Set, Change!](https://doctorjay.net/get-ready-set-change/) - Discover 5 signs you’re ready for a positive life change and learn how small steps, support, and self-awareness can improve your mental health and well-being.
- [Surviving and Thriving in the “Happy Holidays”](https://doctorjay.net/surviving-and-thriving-in-holidays/) - Feeling overwhelmed during the holidays? Explore tips for coping with stress, staying present, practicing self-care, and finding joy even in difficult moments.
- [Is It Thanksgiving or “Thanks-Giving”?](https://doctorjay.net/thanksgiving-or-thanks-giving/) - The deeper meaning of Thanksgiving, reconnect with gratitude through reflection, community, and mindful practice to support mental health and emotional balance.
- [Creating Community Through Therapy: Showing Up and Speaking Up in New York](https://doctorjay.net/community-through-therapy/) - Imagine walking out of your apartment in New York tomorrow morning and seeing your innermost thoughts written in bright lights above your head. Would you feel exposed? Embarrassed? Relieved that other community members could finally understand you? The truth is, many of our private fears and emotions are more alike than we realize. As the
- [Mental Health in New York: When to Start Therapy and What to Expect](https://doctorjay.net/mental-health-in-new-york-when-to-start-therapy-and-what-to-expect/) - Introduction: The Gift of Love and Healing “One dollar and eighty-seven cents. That was all.” With this famous opening line, O. Henry’s The Gift of the Magi reminds us that love often requires sacrifice, vulnerability, and growth. In the story, a young couple gives up their most treasured possessions to bring joy to one another
- [Building a Solid, Stable Life: The Importance of Community for Mental Health and Well-Being](https://doctorjay.net/building-a-solid-stable-life-the-importance-of-community-for-mental-health-and-well-being/) - “Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we must be saved by love.”– Reinhold Niebuhr In October 2012, New York City endured the powerful force of Hurricane Sandy, which brought not only damage to physical infrastructure but also deep emotional strain. In the storm's aftermath, entire neighborhoods had to rebuild—not just homes,
- [Addiction and Recovery: The Journey](https://doctorjay.net/addiction-and-recovery-the-journey/) - Find Compassionate Therapy for Addiction and Co-Dependency in Queens, Long Island, and New York City Introduction: Is Addiction Affecting Your Life or the Life of Someone You Love? Addiction doesn’t always look like what we expect. For some, it’s a quiet, persistent dependence on substances, relationships, or behaviors. For others, it slowly becomes evident through
- [Good Grieving: A Journey Through Grief Therapy](https://doctorjay.net/good-grieving-a-journey-through-grief-therapy/) - Explore the stages of grief the role of grief therapy in healing. Learn how good grieving helps you move through loss with support, hope, and transformation.
- [Couple Counseling Near Me – How to Find It](https://doctorjay.net/couple-counseling-near-me-how-to-find-it/) - The goal of couple counseling is to help couples create a safe place and a relationship that is “big enough” for both partners–big enough to include the wishes, hopes, dreams, and longings of each partner. What is Professional Couples Counseling? Two Most Common Challenges: Communication and Conflict Benefits of Couples and Marriage Counseling with Someone
- [Couples Therapy: From Survival Mode to Safe Haven](https://doctorjay.net/couples-therapy-from-survival-mode-to-safe-haven/) - Struggling in your relationship? Discover how couples therapy with Dr. Jay Feld in Queens, NY can help you move from survival mode to secure connection.
- [Perseverance in Doing Good](https://doctorjay.net/perseverance-in-doing-good/) - The French writer Jean Giono published a short story in 1953, The Man Who Planted Trees. The story begins in France in 1913. The narrator embarks on a walking tour of Provence, passes through a desolate area, sparsely populated by enclaves of desperate people, and encounters the title character, Elzéard Bouffier, a man in his mid-fifties
- [Emotions – What Are They Good For?](https://doctorjay.net/emotions-what-are-they-good-for/) - When you begin a course of therapy you bring your whole internal self – mind, will and emotions. Since focusing on emotions plays such a big part in the process of therapy, let’s spend a few moments thinking about what emotions are. Emotions are messages from our self to our self, in response to internal or external stimuli, that
- [Self and Others – A Balancing Act](https://doctorjay.net/self-and-others-a-balancing-act/) - Have you ever watched a gymnast perform her balance beam routine, or a tightrope walker with his long balancing pole? They practice diligently so that they can perform breath-taking feats of balance. Relationships are like that too, a delicate balance of connectedness and separateness. The technical word for this is differentiation, the practice of maintaining a “solid
- [Building a Solid Sense of Self](https://doctorjay.net/building-a-solid-sense-of-self/) - Good emotional and relational health requires a balance of healthy connectedness and healthy separateness. Central to healthy separateness is our ability to cultivate a “solid sense of self.” Since we will ever be works-in-progress, how can we work on building a healthy sense of self? One of the most important concepts in therapy is today, you
- [Some Practical Boundary Skills](https://doctorjay.net/some-practical-boundary-skills/) - Cultivating a solid sense of self involves knowing what to say “yes” to, and what to say “no” to. Some opportunities are right and ripe for us to embrace, and others are not. We want to embrace life, say “yes” to life, but we must first take an inventory of what truly brings us life
- [What is Attachment? (Part 1)](https://doctorjay.net/what-is-attachment-part-1/) - “safe haven, secure base” American psychologist Harry Harlow revolutionized the way we think about emotional attachments, and he did it with artificial monkeys. In a series of experiments during the late 1950s and early 1960s, Harlow observed that baby rhesus monkeys, deprived of their mothers, preferred and clung to soft terry cloth surrogate “mothers” rather
- [What is Attachment? (Part 2)](https://doctorjay.net/what-is-attachment-part-2/) - “attuned and responsive” James Cameron’s 2009 sci-fi blockbuster movie, Avatar, features human-like, cat-like creatures called Na’vi. When these blue, 10-foot tall creatures connect with each other in an emotionally intimate way, they announce to each other, “I see you!” The fundamental need of everyone, from cradle to grave, is to be seen, to be acknowledged and responded
- [Grow, Grow!](https://doctorjay.net/grow-grow/) - It is written in the Talmud (the most important text in traditional Judaism), “Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it, whispering, ‘Grow, grow!’” It is the destiny of every little blade of grass to become all it can possibly be. And it is the responsibility of each blade’s guardian angel to
- [See You In September?](https://doctorjay.net/see-you-in-september/) - For people of all ages, there’s something about September. Even for those of us who have been working throughout the summer, there’s a wistful sense that the “real year” is about to begin. The summer days dwindle down to a precious few, each day gets just a little bit shorter, the cicadas emerge and sing
- [Ebenezer Scrooge And “An Altered Life”](https://doctorjay.net/ebenezer-scrooge-and-an-altered-life/) - One of the scariest movies ever isn’t about vampires or chain saws. It’s the 1951 version of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. The scariest part is not the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future, but the warning they bring to Ebenezer Scrooge: What if you spend your whole life climbing the ladder of success, only
- [New, Yes, but Improved?](https://doctorjay.net/new-yes-but-improved/) - Thanks to the hopeful (or cynical) genius who invented the concept of New Year’s resolutions, the average gym derives the majority of its revenue from new memberships purchased in January. A January 2013 article in Forbes magazine suggested that, although more than one-third of Americans make New Year’s resolutions, “just 8% of people achieve their New Year’s
- [How Can “Present You” Help “Future You”?](https://doctorjay.net/how-can-present-you-help-future-you/) - Just like compound interest for our mind and heart, the lessons we learn early in the new year will keep producing dividends month after month. Let’s look right now at 3 lessons that, if learned early in 2015, will spare you a lot of frustration this year. In 2015, you will experience some necessary, legitimate
- [Can We Make Sense of Dating and Mating?](https://doctorjay.net/can-we-make-sense-of-dating-and-mating/) - Once upon a time, getting married was easy. Your parents chose your mate for you, you had little or no say in the matter, and you got what you got. If you were lucky or blessed, it was a good match; if not, you endured, and the whole thing was over in a few decades,
- [Can We Make Sense of Dating and Mating? (Part 2): “It Takes a Village”](https://doctorjay.net/can-we-make-sense-of-dating-and-mating-part-2-it-takes-a-village/) - For most of history, your pool of potential marriage partners was limited to the people who lived in your village. You knew just about everything there was to know about each of them. Today it’s often the case that the only thing you know about someone is what they choose to tell you in their
- [Can We Make Sense of Dating and Mating? (Part 3) – Building a Life Together](https://doctorjay.net/can-we-make-sense-of-dating-and-mating-part-3-building-a-life-together/) - Nothing helps clarify your values like being in an intimate, committed relationship. We are often unaware of our deeply held values and goals. But when your partner-to-be says or does something that runs afoul of one of them, you might hear yourself saying, “You believe what?!” The similarity between your values and goals and those of
- [Big-Log-Removers Anonymous](https://doctorjay.net/big-log-removers-anonymous/) - Imagine an emergency room doctor trying to remove a small splinter from her patient’s eye. Now imagine that the doctor has a telephone pole protruding from her own eye! How can the doctor see clearly enough to help her patient, with a big log stuck in her own eye? But, of course, this is something all

## Pages

- [Home](https://doctorjay.net/) - Called the best marriage and couples counselor by some, Dr. Jay still loves seeing families and individuals healed even after decades of counseling in NYC.
- [Contact Me](https://doctorjay.net/contact-me/) - Contact for therapy services in Queens, NY. Reach Dr Jay R Feld via phone, email, or online form for appointments and inquiries. Your privacy matters.
- [Resources](https://doctorjay.net/resources/) - Explore helpful mental health, conflict resolution, and wellness resources curated by Dr. Jay R. Feld, including helpful websites, articles, and tools.
- [Services Provided](https://doctorjay.net/services-provided/) - Licensed therapist in Queens, NY, specializing in couples, family, and individual counseling. Offering in-person and online sessions to build healthier lives.
- [About Me](https://doctorjay.net/about-me/) - Dr. Jay R. Feld offers compassionate in-person and online therapy in Queens specializing in individual, couples, and family counseling with years of experience
- [Appointment Request](https://doctorjay.net/appointment-request/) - Request an appointment with Dr. Jay R. Feld for counseling for individual, couples, or family therapy. Book in-person or online by filling out the form today.
- [Quotations and Other Inspirational Readings](https://doctorjay.net/quotations-and-other-inspirational-readings/) - Explore Dr. Jay R. Feld collection of inspirational quotes and readings on topics like love, justice, marriage, and the inner life to reflect, learn, and grow.
- [Good Grieving](https://doctorjay.net/good-grieving-2/) - Good Grieving Session 1 A definition of "grieving." Grieving is the process by which we respond to and adjust to the experience of loss -- physically, cognitively, emotionally, behaviorally, socially and spiritually. The inescapable reality of change and loss. "You cannot step into the same river twice" (Heraclitus, Greek philosopher, c. 500BC). The only unchanging
- [“Good and Angry”](https://doctorjay.net/good-and-angry-2/) - “Good and Angry” The Theology and Practice of Healthy Anger Jay Feld, D.Min., LMFT Introduction Our emotions are an integral part of who we are as human beings made in God’s image. To be made in God’s image is to have emotions. Emotions are signals that give us information; as such, they’re neither good nor
- [Why People Get Better and Grow in Support Groups](https://doctorjay.net/why-support-groups-work-2/) - Why People Get Better and Grow in Support Groups by Dr. Jay Feld When a newly recovering alcoholic named Bill Wilson met a still-active drinker named Dr. Bob Smith in 1935, and Bill began to tell Bob what he was learning about sobriety, the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) was born. Since then, millions of
- [The Ten Steps of Log Removal](https://doctorjay.net/ten-steps-of-log-removal/) - The Ten Steps of Log Removal Jay R. Feld, D.Min, LMFT Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's
- [What Do Children Need?](https://doctorjay.net/what-do-children-need-2/) - Children need to be protected and provided for. Children need to be kept safe (including protection from exposure to alcohol and drug abuse). Children need to receive an abundance of appropriate (non-sexual) touch. Children need proper nutrition (and meal times with family). Children need proper rest and sleep. Children need appropriate clothing. Children need appropriate
- [Quotations about Marriage](https://doctorjay.net/quotations-and-other-inspirational-readings/marriage/) - In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, the grounds for marriage. ~Robert Anderson The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. ~Father Theodore Hesburgh What counts in making a happy marriage is
- [Quotations about Justice, Peace and Nonviolence](https://doctorjay.net/quotations-and-other-inspirational-readings/justice-peace-and-nonviolence/) - Abuse of power for the individual is motivated by fear and by the resulting desire to control the power of life. This fear and arrogance are then used to create societies in which structures of domination create special possibilities for the privileged at the expense of shared power for all persons. The power that is
- [The Man Who Planted Trees](https://doctorjay.net/quotations-and-other-inspirational-readings/the-man-who-planted-trees/) - by Jean Giono French author Jean Giono (1895-1970) wrote this tale in 1953. It has been translated into many languages and is well-known worldwide. For a human character to reveal truly exceptional qualities, one must have the good fortune to be able to observe its performance over many years. If this performance is devoid of
- [Quotations about Love, Compassion, Community, Solidarity and Service](https://doctorjay.net/quotations-and-other-inspirational-readings/love-compassion-community-solidarity-and-service/) - Those who have created the evil are those who have made possible the hideous social injustice our people live in. Thus, the poor have shown the church the true way to go. A church that does not join the poor in order to speak out from the side of the poor against the injustices committed
- [Quotations about Woundedness and Suffering](https://doctorjay.net/quotations-and-other-inspirational-readings/woundedness-and-suffering/) - For whatever reason God chose to make man as he is - limited and suffering and subject to sorrows and death - He had the honesty and courage to take His own medicine. Whatever game He is playing with His creation, He has kept His own rules and played fair. He can exact nothing from
- [Quotations about the Inner Life](https://doctorjay.net/quotations-and-other-inspirational-readings/inner-life/) - Mourning is love with no place to go. ~Unknown Give your sorrow all the space and shelter in yourself that is its due, for if everyone bears [their] grief honestly and courageously, the sorrow that now fills the world will abate. But if you do not clear a decent shelter for your sorrow, and instead
- [My Blogs](https://doctorjay.net/my-blogs/) - Dr. Jay R. Feld shares insights on therapy, spirituality, and life, with in-depth reflections on personal growth, healing, and navigating life’s challenges.

## Testimonials

- [Jim Owens](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/jim-owens/) - I have known Dr. Feld for over 30 years. I have recommended numerous individuals and couples to Dr. Jay for individual and couples counseling because of his training, skill, life experience, and spiritual maturity. Dr. Jay is able to integrate emotional and relational health with spirituality in ways few others are able. He is compassionate
- [Drew Hyun](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/drew-hyun/) - I’ve known Jay for almost 24 years, and he’s been a trusted counselor for me and many others that I know in New York City and beyond. I routinely recommend him and his counseling practice for individuals and couples as I’ve found Jay to be thoughtful, wise, and skilled in navigating complex issues and dynamics
- [Rev. Aaron Chan](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/rev-aaron-chan/) - Dr. Jay and I have known each other for close to 2 decades, and he is one of the few counselors in the New York Metro area whom I would recommend without reservation. His gentle and unhurried demeanor, his emotionally healthy approach, and his years of wisdom as a counselor are the reasons I regularly
- [Pete Scazzero](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/pete-scazzero/) - I've known Dr. Jay for 30 years, having served as a pastor on our staff for 7 years when I was Lead Pastor at New Life Fellowship in Queens, NY. Dr. Jay is gifted, thoughtful, and filled with wisdom -- having done so much excellent work with God, himself, and others over the last 40+
- [Marci Miller](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/marci-miller/) - I have known Dr. Feld for several years. I have worked closely with him in my capacity as the Pastoral Care Minister with Lower Manhattan Community Church. Dr. Feld has been an integral and active part of our congregation’s spiritual and mental health. His approach has been instrumental in countless marriages being saved and flourishing.
- [Dr. Marcia Lucas](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/dr-marcia-lucas/) - I’ve known Dr. Jay Feld for over 15 years as a gifted professor, skilled therapist, and trusted colleague. His clients consistently report transformative results, and his integrity, warmth, and professionalism are unmatched. I recommend him without reservation.
- [The Man Who Planted Trees (a story about how the pursuit of simplicity, serenity, and single-mindedness can change the world)](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/the-man-who-planted-trees-a-story-about-how-the-pursuit-of-simplicity-serenity-and-single-mindedness-can-change-the-world/) - The Man Who Planted Trees
- [Inner Life](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/quotations-about-the-inner-life/) - Inner Life
- [Woundedness and Suffering](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/quotations-about-woundedness-and-suffering/) - Woundedness and Suffering
- [Love, Compassion, Community, Solidarity and Service](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/quotations-about-love-compassion-community-solidarity-and-service/) - Love, Compassion, Community, Solidarity and Service
- [Justice, Peace, and Nonviolence](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/quotations-about-justice-peace-and-nonviolence/) - Justice, Peace, and Nonviolence
- [Marriage](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial/quotations-about-marriage/) - Marriage

## Categories

- [My Blogs](https://doctorjay.net/category/my-blogs/)

## Testimonial Categories

- [Quotes](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial-category/quotes/)
- [Testimonials](https://doctorjay.net/testimonial-category/testimonials/)